More things than you ever wanted to know about things you don't know about

Having now completed the last two lists, I thought you didn’t have quite enough information on this subject. So here is more than you ever wanted to know about batters hitting a homerun in their first major league plate appearance.

First, a quiz. Only one pitcher has given a homerun to a batter in their first plate appearance more than once. He was a knuckleballer in the 70’s. Please make your guess and leave it in the comments. The winner will receive nothing but satisfaction from the fact that they probably know more baseball trivia than a sane person should.

Only 2 Hall of Famers have done this, and one was a pitcher. They are Hoyt Wilhelm and Earl Averill. I’m surprised that only one Hall of Fame batter has done this.

Of the 106 players to do this, 18 have been pitchers.

2 of the 4 pitchers to do it since the Kevin Graham Rule was instituted have been American League pitchers.

2 have been inside the park. Luke Stuart in 1921 and Johnnie LeMaster in 1975. One from each league.

25 have hit it on the first pitch they saw

44 have been hit in the American League and 62 in the National League

21 hit their only career homerun in their first at bat

26 have hit it as a pinchhitter

4 have hit a grand slam for their first homerun

10 did in the top of the 1^st inning, before they even had a chance to play defense (call this the anti-Moonlight Graham syndrome)

The following clubs have done it the most:

Boston Red Sox – 4

Brooklyn Dodgers – 4

Chicago Cubs – 8 (that’s Wrigley, folks)

Detroit Tigers – 6

Houston Astros – 4

Minnesota Twins – 5 (only 1 in the Metro Dome)

Montreal Expos – 4

New York Giants – 4

Philadelphia Phillies – 5

St Louis Cardinals – 7

The only franchise not to have a player do is the Milwaukee Brewers

1890’s – 2

1900’s – 1

1910’s – none

1920’s – 4

1930’s – 7

1940’s – 10

1950’s – 7

1960’s – 12

1970’s – 10

1980’s – 10

1990’s – 13

2000’s – 31

52 (less than half) hit double figures in career homeruns

16 hit 100 or more homeruns

8 hit over 200 (Earl Averill, Bill White, Will Clark and Tim Wallach in the 200’s)

3 ht over 300 (Jermaine Dye, Carlos Lee, and Garry Gaetti)

Gary Gaetti hit the most with 360

By position:

C - 13

1B – 12

2B – 8

3B – 7

SS – 8

LF – 11

CF – 3

RF – 5

P – 18

Utility – 21

Took 21 years for the American League to do it. Only 20 for the National League.

The first time it was done more than once in a season was 1937, when two players from the Philadelphia Athletics did it.

The National League followed with two the next year, with one of them playing for the Phillies

They did it on the same day.

The American League only had 1 player do it during the war years, the National had 4.

The longest streak for the National League is six years in a row. The American’s streak is 5.

The longest gap for the American League was 11 years. For the National League, it was 13.

Ed Sanicki did on September 14^th, 1949. Ted Tappe was the next to do it, exactly a year later.

The American League did it 3 times in 2006 and 2010, the most ever.

Some of the notable names that did it:

Bob Nieman

Gates Brown

Bert Campaneris

Gary Gaetti

Jay Bell

Carlos Lee

Marcus Thames

Miguel Olivo

Mike Napoli

Elijah Dukes

Whitey Lockman

Hoyt Wilhelm

Chuck Tanner

Wally Moon

Bill White

Benny Ayala

Johnny LeMaster

Tim Wallach

Will Clark

Jose Offerman

Jermaine Dye

Kaz Matsui

Jason Heyward

Starlin Castro

3 players, Bob Neiman, J.P. Arencibia, and Bert Campaneris homered twice in their first game. Neiman did it consecutively. Keith McDonald did it consecutively over 2 days.

8 Hall of Famers have given up a first plate appearance homerun:

Walter Johnson

Nolan Ryan

Warren Spahn

Bert Blyleven

Randy Johnson (I’m jumping the gun)

Don Sutton

Grover Cleveland

Catfish Hunter

Other pitchers of note:

Bret Saberhagen

Jim Bouton

Van Lingo Mungo (love the name)

Mickey Lolich

Andy Pettitte

Justin Verlander

Dennis Martinez

Tom Candiotti

Jack Morris

Lindy McDaniel

Diego Segui

Monte Stratton

Jim Katt

Prime-time matchups:

Will Clark vs Nolan Ryan

Bert Campaneris vs Jim Kaat

Jay Bell vs Bert Blyleven

Jason Heyward vs Carlos Zambrano

Carlos Lee vs Tom Candiotti

Marcus Thames vs Randy Johnson

Jose Offerman vs Dennis Martinez

Terry Steinbach vs Greg Swindell

Charlie Hough vs Gary Gaetti

Brad Fulmer vs Bret Saberhagen

Hoyt Wilhelm hit one homerun in his career. He hit off of Dick Hoover, who only gave up one homerun in his career.

Top 10 most likely to hit a homerun in their first plate appearance

Okay, now for the other side of the equation. Just to say up front, I know there are many different ways to do this. I don’t care because this is what I picked. Someone could use Leverage Index or weighted Leverage Index, or some other number to figure this out, but I didn’t. The reason is, this is a list that goes back to the beginning of the game. I don’t like lists that pick arbitrary dates in order to use a specific metric.

I didn’t go back to 1980 to incorporate any sabermetric principles, and I didn’t go back to 1954 because Retrosheet has most of the box scores, and I didn’t go back to 1920 when homeruns replaces deadball. I went all the way back and used numbers that are common to every player who has ever been in the game. If someone wants to do this differently, be my guest. Please send the link, as I would like to see, but this is my list, so I’ll do it my way.

When I say the least likely, or the most likely, I don’t really know. Maybe least probable or most probable is a better way of stating it. I don’t really think any player is likely to do any particular thing in any particular at bat. We know by percentages who has the best chance to do something, but it’s far from likely anything will ever happen, outside of an intentional walk, and Johnny Bench can attest to the fact that that isn’t always true.

The top-10 most likely guys to hit a homerun are listed below:

10 – Mike Jacobs (66.4)                      100 homeruns in 2117 plate appearances over 6 seasons

In light of recent events, I wonder if I should add a 10-point bonus to players suspended for PED’s? This would push him up the list. Hit as a pinchhitter, but he was a semi-regular first baseman who topped at 32 one season, and 20 another. Has the third highest total of homeruns of the top 10. Didn’t show the same power in the minors, but hit more as he got closer.

Hit his homerun off of Esteban Loaiza

9 – Tim Wallach (65.6)                       260 homeruns in 8908 plate appearances in 17 seasons

A third baseman for the Expos and Dodgers, he had mid-range power. Only topped 20 homeruns 5 times, with a high of 28. Didn’t really play in hitters parks, at least I don’t think Olympic Stadium was a hitters park. We know Dodgers Stadium isn’t. Ended his career before the offensive explosion, so I was kind of surprised to see him here, but he does have the 4th highest total of any player to do this, so volume counts. Member of the College Baseball Hall of Fame.

Hit his homerun off of Phillip Nastu

8 – Mark Worrell (64.0)                     1 homerun in 4 plate appearances in 2 seasons

The only pitcher in the top-10, so I’ll let him stay. Not really a hitter, he didn’t have a single one in 8 plate appearances in the minors and just one in the majors. The fewer number of plate appearances puts him high on the list, but hey, he still hit one, which one more than I ever did. Pitched in one game before he hit his homerun. If anyone thinks he should be replaced I don’t mind. But Luke Hughes and Esteban Yan, two pitchers, are 11th and 12th on the list. Still active, so his placement could change.

Hit his homerun off of Tim Redding

7 – Dave Matranga (60.1)                  1 homerun in 6 plate appearances in 2 seasons

A second baseman for the Mets and Angels, he only got to the plate 7 times in his career. I realize a low number of plate appearances might skew the numbers somewhat, but I don’t think so. A lower number of plate appearances means fewer chances to hit more homeruns. Follow me, here? Hit it as a pinchhitter. Hit 82 homeruns in the minors. This is also his only major league hit.

Hit his homerun off of Joaquin Benoit 

6 – Jermaine Dye (59.9)                     325 homeruns in 7214 plate appearances in 14 seasons

The most career homeruns of any player in the top-10, and second most among all the players to do it. Topped 20 homeruns 10 times, 30 homeruns four times, and 40 once. The best overall hitter in the top-16, and one the five best overall. Played in two World Series, winning one of them. On April 13, 2009, Dye and Paul Konerko hit their 300th homers in the majors, the first teammates to do so in the same game. They managed the feat in back-to-back at-bats.

Hit his homerun off of Marcus Moore

5 – Jay Gainer (59.7)                           3 homeruns in 45 plate appearances in 1 seasons

A first baseman that couldn’t cut it with the Rockies, he actually hit his in Cincinnati at old Riverfront Stadium, and not in Coors. Of course, Coors wasn’t opened until 2 years later. Hit a lot of homeruns in the minors, topping 30 twice, so he definitely belongs here. One of the original Rockies, he never got much of a shot. Now managing in the minors. Hit his homerun on the first pitch he saw.

Hit his homerun off of Tim Pugh

4 – Josh Fields (59.5)                           34 homeruns in 796 plate appearances in 5 seasons

One of only three players still active, although Fields and Jacobs are in the minors. Has the best chance of making it back to the bigs. Hit 23 in one season, but injuries have kept him from putting together a full season. Good power in the minors, he definitely belongs on the list. Hit his as a pinchhitter. I think eventually he’ll make it back and move down on the list.

Hit his homerun off of Jamie Walker

3 – J.P. Arencibia (49.5)                      6 homeruns in 686 plate appearances in 2 seasons

The only player still in the majors, he probably won’t stay on this list very long. A catcher who isn’t known for his hitting, he had a ton of power in the minors, topping 20 twice and 30 once. He hit two homeruns in this first game. Opening day of 2011, he hit two homeruns and a triple, so debuts are right up his alley.

 Hit his homerun off of James Shields

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2 – Mitch Lyden (47.6)                        1 homeruns in 10 plate appearances in 1 seasons

A catcher for the original Marlins, this was his only homerun in the majors. One of only three players in the top-10 to only hit one homerun in their career. Hit over 200 homeruns in the minors. Spent 10 years in the minors before he got a chance at the majors.

Hit his homerun off of Jose Bautista

1 – Charlton Jimerson (46.3)              2 homeruns in 9 plate appearances in 4 seasons

A right fielder for the Mariners and Astros, he hit his first one as a pinchhitter. He did appear in one game as a defensive replacement the previous year without batting, but was able to avoid the Moonlight Graham syndrome. Hit double figures in homeruns for 9 straight years in the m minors, but never got a long look in the majors. Played in the minors last year, but no info about this year. It’s not out of the question that he could come back up and increase his lead, or drop out entirely.

Hit his homerun off of Cole Hamels

So that’s the list of the 10 most likely players to hit a homerun in their first plate appearance. One pitcher, but he counts. Jimerson could legitimately be considered not eligible for the list since he got into a game before he actually hit, but several pitchers did that also, so he stays.

Update:  somehow I missed a player. I didn't realize this until I was going back through, so I want to add him on now, as most people will know him.

4 - Will Clark (49.6)                                    284 homeruns in 8283 plate appearances in 15 seasons

We all know about Will the Thrill, so I’m not going to add on to it.

Hit his homerun off of Nolan Ryan

The top-10 least likely guys to hit a homerun in their first major league plate appearance

Back in April, I was watching a Pirates games and Josh Rodriguez, a Rule-5 draftee, came to the plate for his first major league plate appearance. This is how slow I am at writing things up at times. Anyhow, I started thinking about first at bats and was thinking it would be great if he hit a homerun, joining a semi-exclusive club. He didn’t hit a homerun in his first plate appearance, but it isn’t that surprising. Of the over 17,000 players to appear in a game, only 106 have done it, leaving it an astronomical .00062 chance of doing it. Failure, at this particular task, is an option.

For some strange reason, because that’s how my mind works, I started thinking about this particular event and just wondering how unlikely it really it is. Then I started thinking about who was the most likely of all the players who have done to homer in their first plate appearance. Along with that, I wondered about who was the least likely to have done it. Then I wondered what happened to my life and why I’m writing about something like this.

So I devised a simple little formula to figure all of this out. It’s so easy it can be done at home. If for some reason you wanted to. Take a player’s total number of plate appearances and divide by the total number of homerun’s he hit. I’m using plate appearance instead of at bats, because a plate appearance can be any unique event, from a homerun to a sacrifice fly, catcher’s interference, reached on error, or a dozen other plays. The higher the number, the less likely the player was to hit a homer. The lower the number, the more likely.

I didn’t leave it at just that, because even those new-fangled statistics show that pitchers are involved in homeruns. Not much else, but at least that. So I looked at all the pitchers who gave the homerun to see how often they give up dingers. Simply take all of their batters faced and divide by total number of homeruns allowed. The higher the number, the less likely to give up a homer; the lower, the more likely.

So add those two numbers together. Add 10 points if the batter was a pitcher. This is my anti-designated hitter bonus. (We'll call this the Kevin Graham rule). Add 10 points if it was on the 1^st pitch. Add another 10 points if it was the only homerun that particular batter hit. 10 more points if it was a pinchhit homerun, because it’s hard enough to do it normally. 10 points if it was a “clutch” homerun (you know, late innings, extra innings, gave the team a lead late in the game, put them ahead, something with a little stress to it), 10 points if it was  grand slam, and 10 points if it was hit in the first inning or led of the game. Add all of those points together, and you get the list.

The top-10 least likely guys to hit a homerun are listed below:

10 - Ace Parker  (211.6)                      2 homeruns in 228 plate appearances over 2 seasons

A utility infielder for the Athletics in the late-30’s. He hit only 33 in 11 minor leagues seasons, only hitting double figures the season after he was done in the majors. Spent time in the minors after the homerun, but ended up finishing the season with the big club, and got a full year in the next year. Still alive at the age of 99. Member of the Pro Football and College Football Halls of Fame. Coached football at Duke University.

Hit his homerun off of Wes Ferrell

9 - Buddy Kerr  (219.1)                       31 homeruns in 4056 plate appearances in 9 seasons

A shortstop for the Giants throughout the war years into the early 50’s, where he finished with the Braves. Hit 5 homeruns in over 1700 plate appearances in the minors. Played a then-record 68 consecutive games without an error. Won 2 league championships as a minor league manager.

Hit his homerun off of Bill Lee (no, not that Bill Lee, the other Bill Lee)

8 - Cuno Barragan  (233.4)                 1 homerun in 190 plate appearances in 3 seasons

A catcher for the Cubs in the early 60’s. Hit 25 homeruns in over 1600 plate appearances in the minors. Even playing in a park like Wrigley, he couldn’t get much power. Didn’t get to the bigs until he was 29, so he was never much of a prospect. This was obviously his only homerun.

Hit his homerun off of Dick LeMay

7 – Daniel Nava (2345.7)                    1 homerun in 188 plate appearances in 1 season

A leftfielder. This only happened in 2010, so Nava could have another shot at the majors. Actually showed homerun ability in the minors, but couldn’t duplicate in the majors, which is surprising considering he played his home games in Fenway. Only the 4^th player to hit a grand slam for his first homerun.

Hit his homerun off of Joe Blanton

6 - Dustin Hermanson (241.8)                        2 homeruns in 384 plate appearances in 12 seasons

I almost left Hermanson off of the list, but only because he pitched in 40 games before ever coming to the plate. While he is a pitcher and hadn’t swung a bat, he didn’t really have the stress of doing it in his first game. I’ll leave him, however, as it’s still got to be hard to hit a homerun not matter how you go about it, and this is my anti-designated hitter pick. Didn’t hit one in the minors, but he only got to the plates 10 times. Won a World Series with the White Sox in 2005.

Hit his homerun off of Shane Reynolds

5 – Luke Stuart (254.4)                       1 homerun in 3 plate appearances in 1 season

A second baseman who only had 3 plate appearances in the majors, but hit it off of a Hall of Famer who rarely gave up homeruns. The first one to do this in American League history, taking 20 years to get it done. It was obviously his only homerun. Hit quite a few homeruns in the minors, topping out with a high of 20 in 1923. Stuart might not belong on this list to some people, as he could hit homeruns, but he did it off a pitcher who only game up a homerun every 8 games or so, which accounts for his high score.

Hit his homerun off of Walter Johnson

4 – Gordon Slade (261.1)                    8 homeruns in 1504 plate appearances in 6 seasons

A National League infielder for 3 teams in the 30’s, he has the second most homeruns of any player in the bottom 10. Hit homeruns at about twice the rate in the minors, but not too many. Topped out at 4 homeruns in 1934, which was his only season as a full-time starter, when he finished 15^th in the MVP voting.

Hit his homerun off of Bob Smith

3 – Bill Duggleby (331.1)                    6 homeruns in 686 plate appearances in 8 seasons

A pitcher who played in the deadball era, he never played any other position. He hit like modern pitchers, not deadball era ones, so he belongs on the list. Just the second player to do this (there is no box score for the first guy, so I don’t know who he hit it off of); he was the first to hit a grand slam in his first plate appearance. To top it off, it was a pinchhit shot. How’s that for a debut. Hit 3 in the minors, but that was after his debut. There is no data for prior to that. Hit if off of a pitcher who would go on to later fame as an outfielder who hit 53 homeruns in his career.

Hit his homerun off of Cy Seymour.

2 – Walter Mueller (332.1)                2 homeruns in 369 plate appearances in 4 seasons

An outfielder and pinchhitter, he was a Missouri boy who hit his on the first pitch he saw, in the top of the first inning. He barely edged out Bill Duggleby for second place on the list. The highest rated non-pitcher on the list, he had absolutely no power at all. Father of Don Mueller, right fielder with the Giants in the ’54 World Series. He didn’t have much power either, but was a better hitter than his father. Played in Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, which probably accounted for his low total.

Hit his homerun off of Pete Alexander.

1 – Hoyt Wilhelm (539.0)                   1 homerun in 493 plate appearances in 21 seasons

If you know anything about baseball, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you. He did pitch in 4 games previously to getting to the plate, but I will count it regardless. The highest Hall of Famer on the list (the entire list), but the only one to make it as a pitcher. Hit it off a pitcher who didn’t give up many homeruns, which just padded his score, as he would have topped the list without it. Went 21 years without another homerun. Earned a Purple Heart during the Battle of the Bulge.

Hit his homerun off of Dick Hoover

So that’s the list of the 10 most unlikely players to hit a homerun in their first plate appearance. Only 3 pitchers on the list, so I was pleased by that. Looks like you needed to be a middle infielder between the war years to have the best shot to make this list. Next up, the 10 most likely to hit a homerun in their first plate appearance.

Cherry Picking our Moral Outrage

With the issue of steroid use rampant in MLB right now, a lot of people have left the flatlands and taken the moral high ground. They are outraged at the fact that their game has been defiled by the likes of Alex Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa and Miguel Tejada, to name a few. Fans can’t stand the fact that their childhood heroes, who have had their career and season records eclipsed by these monsters, now have to take a backseat to these demons. Its even worse that they are allowed to hold those same records, and still retain the hardware they won.

The players today have injected, inhaled, and rubbed all manners of immoral, unethical, and devious substances in order to achieve an advantage over their peers. They have artificially enhanced their abilities in an effort to defraud the entire American public, and destroy the very fabric of American life. We haven’t witnessed an assault of this nature since the days of McCarthyism. Actually, I didn’t witness it, but I’m sure the hysteria is the same.

That fact that these evildoers have used illegal substances to increase their stamina, durability, reduce their injury time, and prolong their careers is an affront to every red-blooded American, especially if you’re a sports writer for a main stream sports/news organization. I think it’s wrong, I think it’s a sacrilege and an abomination (just like the DH), and I for one, will gladly ascend the heights to plant my flag on the moral high ground.

So, in an effort to right all past wrongs, and make sure the game is as returned to the purity and saintliness of bygone era’s, we will ascend the moral high ground, look down on those below us, and cast out the wayward souls who have sullied our national past-time.

So, all you steroid users, you’re out. Tejada, Rodriguez, you’re gone. Not just your records and trophies banished, but you also. You’re out the game. That’s the only way we have to ensure the game is never defiled again. Banishment is the only answer. It doesn’t matter that you tested positive when it wasn’t illegal. You did, so you’re gone. Lifetime suspension for any player caught. It’s harsh, I know, but you brought it upon yourselves. You volunteered to take a test that you didn’t have to take, and you came up hot. You’re out. Palmeiro, you too.

But we’re not done. McGwire, Sosa. Bye. No chance at the Hall for you. We ‘know’ you used illegal substances. It doesn’t matter if you never actually came up hot on a test. We know. And since we’re taking the moral high ground and being sanctimonious, we don’t require proof. Just shred you’re Hall speech. You’re not getting in. Oh, by the way, it doesn’t matter that the substances you ‘took’ weren’t actually illegal. Because they weren’t. They were ‘banned’ by MLB, which isn’t the same as illegal. But the moral high ground allows us to declare you guilty.

But we’re not through, oh no, not by a long shot. We’re not going to just inhabit the moral foothills. We climbing all the way to the top and cresting this high ground. We’re judging everyone. So anyone who used anything to artificially increase their career, or help themselves return from injury, you’re out also. Because it might not have been ‘illegal’, but it wasn’t natural, and it gave you an unfair advantage over the clean players. We can’t have that. There isn’t enough room on the peak of the moral high ground for questionable players. So only the truly honest players are allowed up here. So let’s see who else is banished forever.

Did you use cortisone shots? Sorry, you’re out. That’s probably half the players in the expansion era, but it doesn’t matter. Cortisone is an unnatural substance injected into the body to mask pain. It doesn’t actually heal anything; it just hides the pain and lets the player perform at a higher level than he might have otherwise. That sounds familiar, but it doesn’t matter. On the moral high ground, there is no room for compromise. Had a cortisone shot? You’re out.

Had Lazik eye surgery? You’re gone. Denard Span, Tony Pena, Jr. You might as well pack your bags. You’re not allowed to play my game anymore. It’s an unnatural procedure that gives you an unfair advantage over players who haven’t had it. Doesn’t matter if MLB said it was all right, or there was no test for it. We’re on the moral high ground, and you screwed up. Can’t exclude one for a particular reason, and then let another stay. That would be hypocritical, and we can’t have that in American sports.

Knee surgery? Sorry. Bye. I’ve had reconstructive knee surgery, even though I was told I could still have good quality of life without it. But I wanted to play ball, so I had it done. An entirely unnecessary procedure only used to help prolong a playing career. Entirely unnatural. Manny Ramirez, you’re gone. Mickey Mantle, your plaque at the Hall comes down. Don’t like it? Tough. Moral, meet high ground.

Elbow/shoulder surgery? Too bad. Tommy John, John Smotlz, you’ve kissed you’re Hall chances away.

By the way, all you guys above, I want my MVP, CY Young’s, and all other awards returned. I will arbitrarily decide who gets them, from among those players left.

But we can’t just stop there. From the moral high ground, we can see both sides of the mountain. Not only can we see who has done something unnatural to increase their abilities and careers, but we can see the other side of the equation. Since all those players broke an unwritten code of ethics by taking illegal substances (even though they weren’t), we have to look at those with a deviant lifestyle as well. Because here on the moral high ground, we’re not going to cherry pick our outrage, we’re going to being fair and objective. Don’t play by my rules, you’re out.

So did you use those ‘greenies’ back in the 60’s? Yeah, I’m talking to you, Willie Mays and Hank Aaron. Don’t ever want to see your faces again. You used something illegal. That actually was illegal. Bye.

Used cocaine? Dave Parker, Keith Hernandez. Time to fade away into oblivion. You’re dirty, you’re guilty, and you’re out.

Been arrested for a crime? Bret Myers, Wil Cordero. You’re names will be expunged from the rolls. Doesn’t matter if you were ever convicted or not. Guilt or innocence is not an issue. We’re on the moral high ground.

Been accused of throwing a game? Ty Cobb, Tris Speaker, Smokey Joe. You’re stats don’t count. Seems as they have other issues. If they weren’t suspended, they’re still out. They were accused, and here on the moral high ground, that’s all we need.

Ever shown up at work with alcohol in your system? It might not be illegal, but we’ve already established we’re not concerned about that. If I were to show up to work with a hangover every day, or drink on the job, my boss would surely send me on my way. And since we are here to preserve American values, we like this one also. So Babe Ruth and Pete Alexander. Nice knowing you, but you’re irrelevant now.

But let’s not just stop there. There are so many more peaks of the morale high ground we can climb. Tony Oliva, you used your brother’s passport. That’s illegal, and you misrepresented yourself. I’m sure we can find others that are just as evil as you are.

As we stand here on the high ground and look down on the others, all we have left is the people who played the game purely. The ones who didn’t cheat or desecrate the game in one of the ways listed above. Anyone want to guess how many there are left? Do you think we could even get in a complete season with 30 teams?  But does it matter? Because we’ve purified the game. We have gotten rid of the interlopers who made a mockery of it. It’s clean and pristine. 

Here on the moral high ground, we’re happy. We’ve cleaned up the game. The only problem is it’s a little crowed. But only because we’re sharing it with our neighbor who abuses his family. But it’s not our problem and we don’t want to get involved. And next to him is the guy down the street, who we just know is selling something (if you know what I mean), but it’s not our problem. He’s not bothering us. And next to him is the relative who cheats on their taxes every year, but hey, it’s family. And other side is our buddy Bob, who cheats on his wife, but I’m okay with it, because it’s his life. And next to him is the guy from work who goes to happy hour every night and then drives home. But it’s not our problem. He doesn’t live far and he always makes it.

None of those things are important, however, because we’re fixing baseball. What happens in real life doesn’t concern us. What happens in baseball? Oh, yeah, we’re all over it. And here on the moral high ground, we actually do get to cherry pick our moral outrage.

A Tale of Two Ballplayers

So I'm finally getting back to posting some stuff. I'm working on new posts, but until I can get them done, I'm going to repost a few things that I've written on other blogs or sites. I'm pretty sure not too many people have seen this before, so here it is.

A Tale of Two Ballplayers

This is a tale of two ballplayers, and if you'll forgive me for waxing poetic, the mountains that they climbed.

Roel Koolen is Dutch, trying to play a game in a country where most people don't know what baseball is, and a superstar in a sport he loves, without the support system that was there for Frank Williams. He saw his mountain, and climbed it through a desire to be the best.

Frank Williams was an American, born to play the game, a star in school, and a former major league pitcher, playing in a country that reveres the game. He saw a mountain and climbed it, helped by a system that provided support and wealth.


Roel Koolen climbed for the top of his mountain, winning 4 Dutch championships and 7 European Cups, as well as playing for his country's Olympic team.

Frank Williams climbed for the top of his mountain, becoming a quality reliever and signing lucrative (for the time) contracts.


Roel Koolen fell short of the peak, never winning Olympic gold.

Frank Williams feel short of the peak, never making an All-Star game or the post-season.

Roel Koolen climbed down off of his mountain and went in search of other mountains to climb:

“Dutch national team infielder Roel Koolen of CORENDON KINHEIM announced his retirement at the age of 26. He informed his club about the decision at the beginning of December. He wants to concentrate fulltime on his work career”.

Frank Williams fell off of his mountain and will never climb another one:

“Frank Williams, a former major-league baseball pitcher who ended up on the streets in Victoria, has died. He was 50”.

Frank Williams didn't have an easy life, growing up an orphan and living in foster homes. He didn't have a family, he didn't have a home, and he didn't have a lot of prospects. What he did have was a gifted right-arm that earned $1.5 million in a good major league career. He was living the dream life of a major league ball player.

Roel Koolen grew up in a socialized European country, where the standard of living is good and sports are encouraged and funded by the government. What he didn't have was a major league to play in. He didn't have $100,000 contracts and a minor league system to hone his talents. So he became a star in what was available to him.

Roel Koolen walked away from a game that doesn't pay him to earn a living, turning down a chance to play on the biggest stage in the international baseball world.

Frank Williams had a car accident, was out of baseball, left his family, developed alcoholism and lived on the streets for many years, the money he had earned gone to drink.

In the States, we tend to take baseball for granted. It's there every day, in 30 major league teams, 6 levels of minor leagues, independent leagues, college ball, and youth ball. It's a part of our culture, as American as the 4th of July and Thanksgiving. We revere the players and in some cases, lift them up to God-like status. Others, we condemn and chastise for failing to meet the expectations we put on them.

We want them to be the best, we want them to win, we want them to perform to a level that we choose, and can't accept it when it doesn't happen. Not everyone gets to be Babe Ruth, but baseball fans are the first ones to complain when they aren't. We cheer when they succeed and forget them when they fail. What we forget the most, however, is that the guys playing this game (and it is still a game) are people like us.

Yes, they have a measure of athletic ability that most of us don't possess, but we forget that they can, at times, be possessed by their own personal demons. Frank Williams had his demons and couldn't get rid of them, and most of us forgot about him. He wasn't performing, so he wasn't important. This can happen to all of us, in all walks of life, but nowhere is it so magnified as it is in sports.

In Europe, and most other parts of the world, baseball is an afterthought. Not many people strive to be ballplayers, and there isn't a lot of recognition for those who do play. The better players will never be treated the same as the soccer players, or track and field athletes, and will never be held in the same esteem. They just go out and play the game.

The European ballplayers don't have the same pressure to perform, and don't get the same rewards. They play for a love of the game, and maybe a chance to play college ball in the States, or to represent their country in an international competition. They don't get paid much, if they get paid at all. There are no team doctors to help with injuries, no pension plans, no (or very few, non-lucrative) endorsement contracts, no merchandising residuals. Just a desire to play.

It's the same game, fundamentally, played by the same type of person, with the same desire to succeed and be the best. You can pick up any ball player in the world, transport him to any spot on the planet, drop him in the middle of a ball game and it's exactly the same. Isn't this what's so great about baseball. The great ones will be great, and the bad ones will still be bad.

Holland, with a growing, albeit small, baseball program still in its infancy, couldn't provide Roel Koolen what he needed on the ball field, namely the ability to keep playing the game at a high level. So he had to move on to hopefully find success in another profession.

The US, with the best pro system in the world, provided Frank Williams with all the success he needed on the field, but wasn't able to help him when he needed it most. He ran out of chances.

Both men left the game against their will, when they still wanted to play, and the league or system they were part of, for whatever reason, couldn't (or didn't) do anything to help them.

Roel Koolen had to walk away from baseball because he couldn't find a league that could pay for his talents, and has to support himself away from the game.

In a league where million dollar contracts are common, Frank Williams couldn't get the help he needed to live.

Frank Williams never lost his love for baseball.

I hope Roel Koolen doesn't either.

Why there are no gay players in baseball

As a kid growing up in the 70’s, I probably could have named every player in the majors anytime between 1973 and 1986. There are a lot of guys who have faded from memory at this point, but give me a team and a year, and I’ll bet I could name their starting line-up and first 3 pitchers. Credit my love of baseball cards and Strat-o-Matic for learning all the names, positions, and teams, and a habit of memorizing trivial information.

One of the players I remember from that time was Glen Burke, former outfielder for the Dodgers and A’s. One of the reasons I remember him was for his World Series appearances with the Dodgers against the Yankees, and later for his time with the A’s, both archenemies from my boyhood as a Royals fan. Burke was a fairly non-descript player, posting a career line of .237/.270/.291, and leaving a legacy of having created/invented/established? the high-5.

Burke has become somewhat famous in later years, not for his playing career, but for the fact that he was the first former ballplayer to come out as openly gay. As the story goes, it was actually pretty well known in baseball that Burke was gay, but it wasn’t talked about. Sometime after that, Billy Bean, no, not that Billy Beane, also came out, but both did so after their careers were over. Sorry, but that’s a mandatory reference and I don’t have the option not to write it. Ask anyone in the mainstream media if you don’t believe me. Anyhow, since then, there has never been a known, active gay player in the majors, although there are always rumors that some are.

A lot of people think that the reason there isn’t an openly gay player today is because of the culture attitudes against homosexuality, and the belief that a player would be abused because of his lifestyle (is it really a life ‘style’, or just life --- I don’t know, someone help out). Some of that is true, no doubt; there are a lot of people in the country who still don’t accept it. I don’t that’s actually the problem, however. I think the reason there isn’t a gay player in the game isn’t because of the people against, but because of the people who are for it.

There are 3 types of fans when it comes to this issue:

1)      The homophobe --- or, as they are commonly referred to, the dumbasses who don’t have a clue. These are the guys who are going to use the slurs, make dumb gestures, and even carry signs. They are also the ones who will be ridiculed for their behavior. You’re going to get some right wing and religious types who pretend it’s the end of the world, but it will be a crusade for publicity more than an actual crusade against the player. Sure, the player will hear some derogatory stuff, but having grown up in a locker room mentality, it won’t be anything new. It might even be something the player has participated in at some point in order to fit in. Some people will act stupid, and some stupid things will be said. But that’s all. Seriously, homophobia really isn’t going to keep an active player from coming out.

2)      The fan of the game --- me, and most other fans. We really, really, really, really, don’t care. What I care about from a player is whether or not he’s going to make my team better. I don’t care about his lifestyle, his music collection, his car, his family or his activities off the field. I want my team to have good players who helps them win games.

The best possible scenario for this would be something like this:

Reporter: Now that the season is over, what are your plans?

Player: Probably going to go out west and go fishing with my partner.

Reporter: Cool. A lot of women don’t like to fish.

Player: Well (hesitating), he does.

Reporter: (perplexed) So, you’rrrrrre gay?

Player: Yeaaaaaah.

Reporter: (pausing) Yeah, whatever. So what do you guys need to do to compete next year?

And life goes how. How simple can it be?

3)      The homophile --- “advocating or supportive of the interests, civil rights, and welfare of homosexuals; gay: a homophile activist organization.”

These are the people who feel that there HAS to be a gay player, that there NEEDS to be a gay player, that INSIST there be a gay player, that DEMAND that there be a gay player, that the world isn’t RIGHT without a gay player. People who feel that the lack of a gay player is somehow an anti-gay conspiracy and an attempt to keep homosexuals out of mainstream society. Which is actually kind of funny, because major league baseball is anything but mainstream society.

Okay, the last one was probably a little harsh, but there are a lot of electrons being killed over the issue, and most of it falls into the ‘why isn’t there’ camp vs the ‘why should there be’ camp. Homosexuality has become an open issue in American society, but male sports are lagging behind, and people want that to change. Homophiles feel there should be a gay player in the bigs, and I think that is actually the problem. Because the homophiles might be forcing something on a player that he just doesn’t want.

Maybe Joe the ballplayer just wants to be Joe the ballplayer? Maybe he doesn’t want to be Joe the gay ballplayer, or Joe the gay icon, or Joe the gay hero? Maybe Joe doesn’t want to lead the gay pride parade in every city on the schedule, maybe he doesn’t want to be interviewed on every television and radio station about an issue that has nothing to do with sports? Maybe Joe the ballplayer is a private person who chooses to live his life outside the media, regardless of sexual orientation.

Outside of a few guys like Schilling, Jeter, Rodriguez, Matt Kemp and very few others, how much do you really know about the lives of the players? How many are married? How many have children, and how many do they have? Where do the live? You probably couldn’t name more than a dozen players off the top of your head that you know personal information about, and most of them have put themselves into the spotlight.

Why shouldn’t a gay player have the same right to privacy that straight players have? Shouldn’t the partners have the right to their privacy? What about their families? Is this a private issue for them also? And lets not pretend that they will get to keep any of this private. We all know the media shitstorm that will happen when the first player comes out. It will make Judgment Day look like a slow news day. Players already live their lives, unfairly in my opinion, under a large microscope. What do you think will happen to the first gay player? It’s going to be insane.

Homosexuality has become mainstream in the Untied States, regardless of the insane ramblings of a few idiots. There are politicians, actors, musicians, and even religious figures that are openly gay. The homophobe isn’t keeping a gay player out of the game. Not in today’s world. Sure, there would some mild stupidity and some minor uproar, but no one is going to pay attention to those people.

Fred Phelps, for what it’s worth, has done more to advance the cause of gay people than anyone else in the country. The outrage against him, and his church, is mostly about the rights of soldiers and their families. The issue, oddly, isn’t his stance on homosexuality; it’s about respect for others. If that hasn’t made being gay mainstream, I don’t know what can. There might still be gay people in the closet, but homosexuality had come out. 

The chances of there not being a gay ball player right now are very slim. In fact, non-existent. If you want to liken this to the military (which is an example, not the issue), there are definitely gay ballplayers. There were, and always have been, gays in the military. We knew who they were, they knew we knew, and yet they managed to survive, and even thrive.

Sure, there were some issues, but never any violence or open hostility. It might not have always been liked, but it was known and tolerated, with certain conditions. The gay ball players go through the same thing in the locker room, but in a more open environment. There’s a reason there are no openly gay players in the majors, but I don’t believe it’s the conventional wisdom that everyone wants it to be.

Seriously, the homophobe isn’t keeping a gay player out of the majors. Slurs, insults, and negative attitudes just aren’t allowed anymore.

The middle of the road fan isn’t keeping a gay player out of the game, because we really don’t care. We really don’t. Can he hit the breaking pitch, or throw one. You know, the important issues.

It’s the homophile that just might just be keeping a gay player out of the game. Because you want there to be a gay player, but you really don’t care about the player. And that’s the problem.

Because no matter how much you want it, this will never, never, never ever, be a Jackie Robinson moment.

But that’s what you’re wanting.

And that's why you’re not getting it.